Spiritual Parenting

Becoming a parent was a huge part of my spiritual journey. A sudden openness to the universe, an awareness of being, and a sense of the unexplained, of the magical nature of things that I wasn't in touch with before. It started with a very natural and goddess-like birthing experience with my first child, and while the birth of my second child was more difficult and followed by a period of depression, it proved to be the "portal" into deeper self knowledge.

By 'chance' I discovered Louise L. Hay, and my eyes opened to the way that how we think and talk influences our world and our reality. I have also since been greatly influenced by Eckhart Tolle's work on living in the present, in the now.

I think that the skills and ideas proposed by both these teachers are very relevant to parenting. Spiritual practice with one's family and children is essential and the hardest and therefore most useful work. However, barring a small chapter in Tolle's second book, there is a definite lack of spiritual literature aimed at parents, a fact I find strange considering that the vast majority of adults are parents!

Affirmations, like Louise L. Hay talks about, are the perfect support for a difficult days parenting. Your child frustrates and annoys you, and instead of thinking "He's so annoying, he does this just to annoy me, I can't stand this, I am a terrible parent" (which just gets you more of the same), inside you affirm "All is well, all is working out for our higher good. I am a kind and loving parent, I am doing my best. All is well".

Affirmations can also be useful to deal with the negative feelings we all feel about our children. All parents think things like "I hate her, I just want to get away from her" in our darkest moments, but why create more negativity when you could replace those negative streams of thought with "This child is loved, I accept her just the way she is, all is well".

Living in the now, as Eckhart Tolle's books suggest, is also a very useful parenting skill. Babies live from moment to moment. Penelope Leach describes a babies day as a collection of hundreds of little moments. They have no real memory thoughts about past or future, they simply are in the present. It is useful to be present with a baby, observing and naming the immediate world around them, which is their present experience. Example "Your lying on the rug, it feels soft doesn't it, look at that light, and the shade. Feel the bark of this tree, it's rough, the sun is warm" etc. Or even just to be in contemplative and observant silence.

Its also very relevant to children. We cannot be with our children every second every minute, but when we are they deserve our full attention and emotional light. How else to give this but by being, really being, present?

A good way of interacting with younger children, especially if they are having emotional or behavioural difficulties is to set aside 15 mins of time every day, let them choose a game or toy and then focus wholly on the game. The idea is that they lead and you follow and comment on it, but no opinions, no questions, just let them be the focus. You might say something like "I see you've chosen the red car, ah now your putting it at the top of the ramp, down it goes. Now you have the blue one, also at the top, down it goes too, wheee". No comment, no evaluation, no questioning, just being. It make the child feel your emotional energy and works miracles.

Some say that the best spiritual practice are our relationships: children , partners, parents, colleagues. I couldn't agree more. It's all good being kind to strangers or the companions in your yoga class, but the people who are most difficult and also the most in need of our light are those closest to us. Many times the best thing we can do is give our attention, our emotional energy, really "see" and "hear" the person, let them be. Navigating these relationships with openness, respect and being spirituality present is key in one's journey, and to growth and enlightenment.