A vital yet loaded question for every woman - am I a feminist? To answer one must first understand what feminism was and is, and then what it means to each of us.
While my mum's generation fought for communal childcare and equality in and out of the home, a generation of young women growing up in the 90s experienced a very different story. It entailed a faux-feminism which started as the power hungry business woman in the late 80s, who had graduated to pole-dancing (stripping, burlesque, whatever you want to call it) classes as her exercise of choice by the 2000s.
This idea of feminism was based around sexual liberation, money and power. I would say that these traits say more about women "playing men at their own game" than women gaining equal pay, equal rights and equal respect.
Of course, the rise of capitalism convinced us that a high powered, high paid job was the ultimate goal. Girls have consistently done better and better in school, showing us that we really can do anything, even succeed in university and the workplace, even do (gasp) better than men. Interestingly enough, although women outstrip men in terms of academic achievement at all levels including higher education, we still receive lower relative pay rates across the board and are sorely under-represented in positions of power.
At the same time we have been battered with over-sexualised body images, peddled hair extensions and false nails, expected to look stunning while having a top-notch career and leave the baby with the nanny so we can keep up with the boys drinks after hours, or work late to get that leg up to a better paid position. Not my idea of equality.
So what does it mean?
If you'd have asked me if I was a femenist as a teenager I would have answered 'yes': I was strong, bolshy, unafraid of my sexuality, unafraid of what men thought. I donned my ladette costume with the rest and slept around. I idolised feisty women, sexy women, who kicked ass, female rappers mostly.
Or is it that to be a feminist you must actively 'not care' about your appearance, shun the mirror and the tweezers, no hair removal, no dolling up to 'please men' (or the male gaze, at least).
Or is it that being a feminist you must you rush back to work a few weeks after having a baby to prove that 'nothing has changed' and you are still eligeable for that promotion?
All these attitudes have the same message between the lines: work really hard at being a little man and you will be equal.
In the first instance we have the issue of women and sexuality, the being-a-little-man syndrome at its most depressive, oppressive and manipulative. As if simply having sex 'like men' (i.e easy and plenty) makes women free. More openness about sex and sexuality is needed, but that doesn't mean just casual sex, it means discussion about all aspects of sex, and by the way men need this as sorely as women. The degradation of one sex (female) naturally leads to the pain and degradation of the other (male). As members of the same species, we are intertwined.
Then we have the next hot feminist topic: women and appearance. The opinion, and I'm sad to say shared by many third-wave feminists, is that to be equal you must not care about your appearance. Ok, so on one hand constantly fawning to men (I.e. wearing 'provocative' sexy clothing and make-up all the time) is missing the point, but clothing and personal image are key in our culture- to men and women. There is not a culture in the world where grooming one's appearance in one way or another is absent. It is part of cultural play and variety and to say that a women who plucks her eyebrows, wears make-up or enjoys experimenting with her clothes is anti-feminist is simply rubbish. Women and men want to celebrate, enjoy and flaunt their bodies, faces, hair (or lack of) and this should be embraced. When it becomes an obsession, when it becomes geared by capitalism, when it becomes a way to control women (or men) then it is an issue to be addressed, but not before.
The next important issue: women and work. The message remains that to excel at a "good" career she must return to work as soon as possible, looking fabulous, bottle-feed the baby, and then not moan about the kids or have too many sick days. The message is: successfully navigate yourself in a man's world and you will be a successful women.
The range of issues where feminism (or sexism) is relevant to our lives goes on and on: women and birth, women and breastfeeding, women and surgery, women and porn. There is not an aspect of modern social life that doesn't reflect how this world is very much a man's world. Our choice is then to fit in and navigate what we have as best we can (to me not feminism) or try to change some aspects of it so it dutifully reflects the needs of its "second" sex.
We live in a society which is predominantly created by (for) white, able bodied, heterosexual men. It follows suit that anyone falling outside of these categories can and should be addressing their cause. I am a woman, therefore feminism interests me, if I were black (or non-white) I should be addressing racial inequality, if I were disabled I should be addressing the social issues I faced, and if I were anything but heterosexual, the prejudiced brought to me would be my cause.
One of the scary things is that we have got to the point now that even talking about feminism must go with the line "I'm not some kind of man-hater", as if, even the mere talk of women's rights and we have to apologise in advance! Why girls? Is it not attractive to want equality? Is it only attractive to be strong while dancing around a pole and not protesting around one? And why, by the way, do we think that men are that stupid that they would find us unattractive for standing up for ourselves? Is there a double edged sword there- we dare not assert ourselves in case of offending the poor little men-folk, I mean come on, lets give men a bit more credability!
Sometimes I think the biggest obstacle to feminism is women. By blaming society, or men (who in fact are our biggest allies!) or nature, or history, we give our power away.
In life, you must first understand what it is you really need, and then ask for it. What happens next, what the other person does with that information is another thing. But if we can't even ask in the first place...
I ask him to do more housework, when what I really want is to be recognised and appreciated more. He does as I ask, but my real need is still unmet and I feel lost and angry. I ask the government for longer maternity leave when what I really want is the possibility to return to work part time and have my baby in a creche in the building so I can feed her every 2 hours. The government gives me my maternity leave, but my real need is unmet and when I have to return to work after the extended period I feel lost and angry.
Feminism starts with each woman: what she asks for in the home, in her friendships, in her community, in her family. What she expects, what she dreams of, and having the nerve and words to voice this and to be optimistic and bold in the claims she stakes.
To me, just being successful in a man's world is so far from the point of feminism that it conveniently takes all of our eyes off the real issues faced by women and girls every day: access to work and appropriate pay, freedom of appearance, equality in education, birthing rights, division of domestic chores and childcare, being taken seriously while driving, while directing a company and while raising our children. To be a woman is to be a feminist by default, even if we don't realise it at the time.
