you just dont see things the same after you have had kids.
obviouse to those who have, patronising to those who havent, yet true.
this
is not to say that childless people dont have insight, there are some
extremely intuitive people in the world without children. and not all
people with children are either wise or intuitive. but, in genaral- at
some point after bearing children, there come a lightbulb moment and you
think, "oh, THIS is what its all about...!".
being of
the annoyiongly hard-to-describe variety of life changing events, if
only for the sheer depth and magnimity of it, parenthood is left at
that: "life changing". and, i guess, for those who havent ventured it
seems a totally flimsy, at best obvious and at worst totally self
centred phrase: of course parenthood is life changing, caring for
someone 24 hours a day, spending the money now spent on lesure on
childcare and baby stuff is hard.
but, if that were all the changes becoming a parent encompass, then it would be inconvenient, but not life changing.
becoming
a parent means that a curtain literally lifts on your conciousness: the
realities of life seem all too obvious when before the were obscured.
the meaning of life itself is revealed, and this unifies you with all
humankind, with every other parent on the planet. war seems crazy and
inhuman in a whole different way: when you hear 'collateral damage' you
know its not just faceless people, it is newborns, mothers in labour,
pregnant women, children taking their first steps and learning to read
that are killed. repugnant on a whole other level.
it
also connects you with all those that have come before, an ever
marching, overwhelming ancestral line of humans. being born: the thing
we share with all humankind. personally i also felt strangely connected
to all female mammals, (im sure having a 'mamalian' natural birth had
alot to do with this)- the feeling of being an animal, of birthing, then
suckling and tending my fragile young.
sexual
stereotypes start to clarify and ring true (to varying degrees depending
on the couple). it becomes overwhelmiongly obviouse how a women can
become enmeshed, enslaved, literally bogged down by the task of
mothering and all thew connected caring that can be snared along with
it.
for me, as a woman the real essence, meaning and
work of "woman" was disclosed. a womans body, made for this- not made
just to please oneself, ones partner or the world at large, but to carry
child. a womans feelings: the bodily cravings for the baby you have
birthed and sustain, again an animal instinct. surely, this must be what
it is to be "woman".
and edges become rounder: hard
hearts become soft- a parents heart is forever on their sleeve. pride is
numbed and humbled- the ego becomes secondary to the frighteningly
urgent and basic needs of your offspring. vanity becomes less important
and even the most narcissistic of people drop their standards with
parenthood, if slightly.
and another, harder thing: in
this new world order, where things are understood with more clarity, you
suddenly become aware that up until now you were almost not living.
there is this crazy sense that now it has begun, now it has started- now
i see clearly. the conscious fallout of this is a sense of heightened
creativity- the world is at our fingertips, there is just SO MUCH to do.
ironically, being a parent especially of babies or young children, you
are at the very worst point you can be to realise these things- time
poor and sleep deprived you invent businesses and inventions and ideas
as you push the pram, put baby to sleep or clear up after another long
day.
thats the bitter irony, the sweet truth is that, you dont really have to
